Friday, February 27, 2009

Co-Pilot Checkride

I'm impressed with my co-pilot. Seems he's already filed flight plans. Dad and I were reviewing the maps last night. Dad has Bismarck marked as "anywhere after that" for our second night on the road. We spent last night discussing drag from the trailer, prevailing winds and wind-chills. As we were driving around town Dad figured out the defrost controls for my truck in the dark. It is certainly nice to know your co-pilot has a strong checkride before the trip starts. Oh, oh, the moment that cinched the deal for me...with his dietary requirements we are relagated to steak houses for the duration of the trip. (oh, poor me :D) I done good hiring this guy.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I've been staying insanely busy. For all the things I've dragged out of this apartment there's another five things that seem to linger behind. Tomorrow, Thursday, I pick up the moving trailer. My son and my nephew are going to help me get it loaded up. I'll be taking at least one trip to the town waste site with the box springs from my bed and a broken desk I had fixed enough to use in the corner (it leans terribly). I expect Friday morning I'll be cutting my internet connection and boxing up the desk and computer for the trek across the states.

Daugher number 2's school play opens tomorrow night. She has one of the lead roles. I'm pleased to still be in town for that. I'll be going tomorrow night and Friday night as well. I should be packed up and ready to hit the road mid-morning on Saturday.

I've had dinner twice this week with daughter number 1. We may have had enough of each other. She is spending the next couple evenings with her brother as he'll be leaving next week for his new job.

My dad flies into town tomorrow as well. He'll be driving with me to Seattle. Dad's sister lives 6 1/2 hours northwest of here. We'll be spending the first night at her house in St Paul, Minnesota. After the short run on Saturday I'm hoping to drive like a bat out of hell (however they drive) as far west as a bleary eyed driver can go. Maybe we'll get half way through Montana. The whole trip is around 2,000 miles.

The Routing...

View Larger Map

My dad is bringing some books on CD to listen to during the drive. He's concerned they are from politically conservative friends. Dad and I consider ourselves liberals. So it should be good fun to argue with the point of view on the CD's. I'm sorry I've already packed up ISIHAC. If I'd thought a little further ahead (dammit) Dad and I could be playing Mornington Crescent instead.

Got final bills paid this morning, transmission fluid flush and a new starter put in the truck earlier this week. Otherwise, I've just been selling or tossing out everything that isn't nailed down. There's the down and dirty. Hope everyone is warm and safe.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

It's finally starting to hit.

Daughter 1 just called.  She's at school and in tears.  It just hit her. "You're leaving me."  I talked her down from the emotional ledge and sent her back to class....but, oh my god, I am in such heartache.


The Eloquent One volunteered to help this last weekend.  He called me last Friday to tell me he is heading over to his sister's to pick up a utility trailer.  With the trailer, he and the kids (with boyfriends) will pick up the furniture that has their names on it.  they will then deposit the sofa and coffee table, dining table at each of the homes it will now belong to.  We'll do it Sunday.  I know that noon is early on a Sunday.  I didn't call until 2 pm to check in and see how things may be moving along.  The Eloquent One didn't answer the phone.  I called daughter number 1 at 3 pm.  She tells me, as if I should have already known, that we will not be doing the transfer until Monday.  Huh, okay.

Sunday night the Eloquent One answers his phone and says yep, we'll do it Monday.  Since he expects to use his vehicle, we'll do it after work.  I'm wondering to myself why they would want to do this in the dark.  Monday I went about my business until 3 pm.  I hurried through things.  Got accomplished what I could, but not enough, and got home to make a path for the furniture to move out.

Eloquent One does not answer his phone.  I called our son last night to ask if he would mind moving furniture with my truck.  It is now Tuesday.  I have no time to wait for trailers and plans with no updates.  Everyone is now back to work and school.  It's immediately important to me, not really so much for anyone else.  I recognize that.  The schedule for this week is growing more hectic by the day with school plays to attend (daughter 2 has the lead - even if she were an extra - I am SO there), and there is yet the dinner party tomorrow night.  I'm booked.  Our son is ready to help.  I'm to call him when my truck gets out of the shop (more preventive maintenance).

I refuse to jeopardize my own sanity waiting for the Eloquent One to step up to the plate he laid.  Two things I am reminded of - 1.  this is a microcosm of 20+ years of life with Eloquence. 2. he did say, regarding relationships, "I don't want to put in the effort." That quote sums up so very much of him.

I woke up upset with myself for waiting on this offer.  Today everything humanly possible leaves this house.  The 4x8 area that my wordly possessions have to fit in seems to expand and contract depending on my outlook.  Some moments it feels that I have plenty of room.  Other moments it feels that I need to keep tossing out everything.  I don't want surprises on Thursday when I start to fill the moving trailer.  This intellect wants to know.

Monday, February 23, 2009

5 days to launch

Yes, it's five days to launch.  I have no lamps left.  It gets dark around here at night.  This afternoon the sofa, the coffee table and the dining table walk out the door (with help, duh).  Tomorrow the truck gets a transmission flush and fluid.  The people for the last bookshelf, frames and two plant stands are coming over to pick these things up tomorrow too.  I took half the things from my kitchen over to daughter number 1 today.  She has moved into another apartment and is thankful for everything.  Taxes have already been filed and everything is going into direct deposit.  Daughter number 2 will be over Thursday or Friday to pick up the last of the plants.  Wednesday is  resale shop day.  Everything that isn't spoken for is going to the resale shop.  I think I may actually have all my possessions down to a 4' x 8' area.  I am damn close.

Dad will be flying in from Colorado on Thursday.  He is driving with me across the country.  We'll be stopping Saturday night at Aunt Joan's B&B (one of my favorite aunts) and then a big push to see how far we can get Sunday.  There is a sailor's superstition that to begin a voyage on a Friday is certain to bring bad luck.  I find it interesting that I never considered leaving on Friday, though I expect to be ready.  Some things that I learned in childhood are hard to let go of, especially when I forgot that I knew them.

Nothing special here today.  Just getting my recurring thoughts out of my head.  Listing what's done, what's going to be done.  And listing them in no particular order.

Today I had my hair cut.  I'm in shock.  I haven't had short hair since my twenties.  I'm 48.  I'm sorry I did it.  And yet, it does look better.  I just hate looking in a mirror today.  Give it a week and I'll be happy again.  Good thing I like baseball caps.  Good thing I sold all the mirrors, (beveled glass and all).  I kept my favorite baseball caps.  Did I know something I didn't know?

Friday, February 20, 2009

shopping list

Here's the list for today - as if you are interested:

Drop off stuff at resale store (every other day these days)
Take truck to Noe for a going over - transmission fluids and right side ball joints concern me today.
Schedule move-out w/ Tami for next Saturday
Massage at 2:30
Store - the list includes coffee creamer, lightbulbs (I'll be sitting in the dark by next week at this rate), more vacuum space bags, more packing tape.

The one thing that concerns me at this point, and I know it's silly, is these last two bottles of wine and the half bottle of Grey Goose.  They concern me because it may not be enough to get me through the week.  If I call everyone I know (all three) they'll need to bring more wine and booze to make sure we are all happy.  I will end up with more half bottles than I started with - I've been thinking of this taking this tack.  There's only one more dinner party planned at this point so the two bottles of wine can be spoken for...would I appear too scrimpy if I only bring one?  I have plenty of clamato juice, celery, worchestershire etc to take care of bloody marys for breakfast for at least a week.  And the last lime and the over abundance of tonic water (it was on sale!) well...I'm going to run out of vodka before I run out of mixers.  This is weighing heavily on me.  I would feel absolutely so much better if the beer and the pretzels ran out at the same time.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Droppin' the Ball

I'm having a good day, but a real downer moment.  It's my own fault.  I should have done some follow-up after my divorce became final.  I mean I did, but not enough.  Now I'll be spending the next month tracking down information and fax numbers for things that should have been completed over a year ago.  I'm three years after for gods sake.  I should have looked into it last April when nobody got back to me.  I don't give a hoot who dropped the ball, just get it picked back up and start shootin' hoops; today preferably

oops sorry, I'm still stomping my feet.  It's a good thing I'm here by myself.  

Note to self

Just breathe....

It seems everything, everything, everything in my life is changing.  

And I feel fine.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Tagged for a "nightstand"

I've been tagged (and I'm pointing my fingers at SunTiger) to post a photo of my nightstand.  Hey,  I'm moving.  But, some essentials are at the head of my 'floored' mattress.  A lamp, trusty paper & pen (note no dreams last night), a book - Einstein in Love (still working on it), and chocolate kisses.  Who doesn't want a kiss while saying good night?

Doug, Newplayer and Timbook2 - you are hearby tagged.  I want to see how the "other half" lives.  Lord knows, it's been long enough I have no idea anymore.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Until the phone rings

Yep...that bath felt absolutely marvelous.  All my muscles stopped trying so hard to keep me together.  The achy feeling of not being able to stop until it's all done gurgled away in little bubbles.  All the million little decisions I've made today disappeared.  All of me just floated in the water.  Eventually I read my book.  I drank my wine.  I climbed out of the tub, dried off and crawled into bed.  Wonderfully delicious.  I closed my eyes.  I had not a care in the world.

Until the phone rang.  It was Carmen from Seattle.  I now have an appointment to interview with her on March 6th at 9am.

Amazing, amazing, amazing effin' day.


I should make time to play with Lego(r) more often... or just leave it to the masters.  I love this!!

M.C Escher - so twisted, so loved.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Operation 4x8

I had a long talk with my brother last night about what 4 feet by 8 feet is.  First, it's the size of the trailer I will be towing across these here united states.  His suggestion, the little so&so, get a standard 4'x8' sheet of plywood and lay it down in my living room.  That'll show me how much stuff I need to get rid of.  I totally appreciate the reality of his suggestion.

It seems I hadn't told my brothers, or my aunt, or but simply one of my friends that I'm moving halfway across the country.  My mother told my brothers and my aunt.  Mom's are on this earth to rat you out.  I should know, I'm a mom.  Both my brothers called last night.  I didn't get to ring off until after midnight my time.  One brother is on the east coast, Manhattan, I called him back first.  He is an hour ahead of me.  Then I returned the call from my brother on the west coast, San Diego, he is two hours behind me.  I just want you all to know my time-management skills are superb (I need to put that somewhere on my resume/cv).  Two weeks ago I was concientious enough to send a family email letting everyone know I'm no longer employed.  I just seem to have neglected to let anyone know my plans since then (ok, so follow-through is not one of my stronger skills, I should maybe remove that entry from my cv...).  The list of whom I have informed is equally long with the list of people I still need to inform.  Yet, when you consider that the list of who to notify includes the gas & electric co., the cable/internet people, and my insurance agent I'm doing pretty well with getting the word out to those that are near and dear. 

Last week as I woke each morning and my feet would hit the ground my brain was saying, "Ready...GO!" and holy b'jeepers, I'm off and running.  So here I am for another week of marathon style relocation - the 'Ironman' of move.  Sort and toss for two hours, pack and toss for two hours.  Nap for one hours (dispells stress).  Surf online for two hours; find another job posting worth sending an introduction to.   

Elephant eating.   One bite at a time.  Elephant is actually kinda fun to eat.  I've come on some grissly bites, but not that often.  It's satisfying, and rather tasty and I paced myself last week so I'm feeling right on schedule this week. 

14 days to go, actually.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Moving (Fire) Sale

I'm kinda liking this craigslist.  I never needed it before.  I've checked it out, but nothing was necessary so it was great window shopping.

I've sold the headboard, footboard and frame for my bed.  I've given away two laundry baskets of books (that one kinda hurt).   My leaning ladder bookshelf just walked away (in a manner of speaking).  The Rattan Box floor lamps - 2 of them anyway - have been sold and that wrought iron thing I really didn't like that was hanging over the sofa is gone too.  While I haven't sold everything it's pretty fulfilling to get the price I've asked without any dickering.  Haggling over price can be fun at a garage/rummage sale.  But, I've been horribly undersold in the past.  I'm a push-over when it comes to face time.

I'm thinking I may just be able to get this down to a 4x8 trailer.  I know it's only the first days of selling and giving away and sorting and boxing.  There's a lot of things that need to find new homes yet.

Next weekend is my aunt's 60th birthday.  She's giving a party.  My Saturday is booked to drive to Cedar Rapids and see her and my uncle.  I hope to take the time in June when I return for my daughter's graduation to visit again.  But graduation is a big deal and I'm not sure what I will be able to pull off.  I don't know that I can really fit in this visit as it is.  But, I can't not fit it in either.

I'm just taking it a day at a time, a moment as it is.  The taste of elephant kinda grows on ya'.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Anastasia Baburova

Anastasia was a reporter in Russia for Novaya Gazeta.  She was killed this last January at the age of 25, while standing on a Moscow street with a man that had been the source of some of her investigative stories.  They were both shot in the back of the head.  This is a poem Anastasia wrote at the age of 15...

Wake up in the morning
Stretch your arms toward the sun
Say something in Chnese
And go to Paris
Every minute, somewhere in the world there is morning
Somewhere, people stretch their arms toward the sun
they speak new languages, fly from Cairo to Warsaw
They smile and drink coffee together

It is a deadly occupation, to be an investigative journalist in Russia.

Operation 4x8 or How to keep my toes

Yesterday I was hitting my toes on every box in my path and tripping over the dumbells in the middle of the living room.  I began thinking just maybe I should organize the mess I've already made.  I'm thinking I might want to do this before I open any more closets or drawers.  But, will that interfere with my momentum?

I've been sleeping on the sofa because my bed makes such a great sorting/staging station.  The entire contents of my closet and bureau is piled on that bed.  I don't have boxes to fit this stuff.  The bed frame is listed on craigslist and I've sent out some emails to local consignment shops.  If anyone gets back to me about the bed I can see myself running in there and taking great armloads off the bed and chucking it all back into the empty closet.  There's no empty wall to lean the mattress & box spring against.  The walls are lined with boxes - or worse, things that need to be boxed.  Note to self: move boxes from the wall to make room for mattress & box spring.

If I'm not going to use the bed for sleeping I may as well take the box spring and mattress to the dump already.  I could have the bed frame broken down and ready for...anyone.  Note to self:  forget moving the boxes from the wall, get more boxes for the clothing on the bed...and those vacuum seal bags to get things down to size.  Call son to help haul bedding to dump.

I'm finding if I get rid of the packaging, stuff fits.  I've taken prints out of the frames and rolled them up and inserted them all in the tube I have for packing.  The frames are staying here.  I've found that some things that are purely decorative work great for packing material to cushion the contents.  Silk flowers come to mind.  I was going to leave them here for my daughters, but they stuff around things pretty good.  Especially the hyacinth and peonies.  

I have a 4' x 8' trailer reserved.  That's it.  My life into a 4' x 8' trailer.  I am releasing everything possible.  My bicycle.  That one hurts.  I'm having a hard time releasing that one.  I hope to get rid of everything else, so I can keep my bike.  Note to self:  What is supposed to come will come.  What doesn't make it will be replaced at the right time.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Eloquent Birthdays

It is the Eloquent One's birthday today.  The evening started with my ex, the Eloquent One, giving a toast, "To the winds of change, may they take you far and high and just where you want to be."  Our son is moving to Seattle as well, under different circumstances than myself.  I feel blessed nonetheless.  So, when the Eloquent One says these things and he is clinking his glass with both son and myself, I again feel blessed.  He is clinking his glass with his daughters, both will be graduating this year; one from high school, one from trade school.  Their lives are opening up for them.  You could say it's getting windy in our neck of the woods.

Our son made duck and rissoto and a beautiful root compote specially for his dad.  It was appreciated, and by all.

It was the usual birthday scenario.  Same as it ever is for the last seems-like-forever years.  Six of us; Eloquence, myself, son and two daughters plus Grandma.  And yet this time it was special.  Same kitchen, same table, same birthday cards, same german chocolate cake with coconut frosting; but different.  Tonight we are touched with love and rememberance even while we are living it.  This is not reminiscence.  We were there.

I find it funny that this year the kids' birthday cards to their father all dealt with farts, as in "old fart" (once we got to the punchline).  They had not shopped together, and had not shared with each other before hand.  It's funny that the theme was so unknowingly followed (like a fart - heehee).  

G'ma had picked up some D'Addario guitar strings for the Eloquent One.  Definately one of her more thoughtful years.  Her thoughtfulness was appreciated.

And early this week little ol' me found the Eloquent One's baby pictures and some family snapshots going all the way back to great-great grandfather.  I took advantage of these tucked away treasures and put together photo album pages.  I think they call it "scrapbooking".  Yesterday and today I took breaks when my packing and the fussing began to take over my brain.  I sat on the floor with cool papers and funky scissors, three different kinds of adhesives, five different colors of pen, and photo corners and made a total paper snippets mess of my living room rug.  The end result was appreciated.

I only wonder that he couldn't appreciate us sooner.

Eloquence is hosting a Valentine's dinner for eight on Saturday.  Son will be cooking (tiramisu for dessert - sorry I'm not invited).  Ends up the Eloquent One's steady woman friend will not be coming.  I'm sorry to hear this.  I like her.  The Eloquent One smiles when she is around.  I get to watch him be attentive and relaxed when she is there. It's nice to see people you love fall in love.  He was never head over heels, but he was happy.  I'm a bold woman, so I asked Eloquence if things are okay, or did they just change her work schedule again.  Nope, he won't be seeing her.  She wants to get married.  Eloquence says, "I don't want to put in that kind of effort."

From personal experience, I applaud his honesty.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Time to upgrade my phone

This has GOT to be the coolest phone EVER!!  I am so holding out for beyond the silly ol' iPod. Check out the features at 

I mean come on.  It's got projector, global voice translator, harmonica, shaver.  It even makes coffee.  I'm in heaven.

*giggle*  I still want one.

What's the plan?

Today's quote...

"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about." - Charles Kingsley

I woke this morning to a text that said "what's the plan?"  That got me thinking.  I haven't figured out how to answer in 250 characters or less. I have a two page list of things that need to be done in order to be moving.  The list is in no particular order.  It is the brainstorm list that started as I made the decision to move.  I started crossing off the done items yesterday.  So with that question, "what's the plan?" - I want to say, thank's time to assemble this list into a plan.  I don't want to be spending all day on this.  I've got stuff to throw out, I've got to cull some more of these books (sniff..).  I've got some more research to do regarding getting out there. - Pods, U-Haul(always cheapest) airfare, rentals, yadda, yadda,

Today, today, today I've got to go spend time with my mom.  She's not very happy about this interstate move.  From her innuendo heavy commments I gather that she is feeling unconsulted.  She doesn't seem too upset, just left out and this makes her very defensive.  I finally quit feeling that I'm not enough for her.  This is a pretty common feeling for daughters to have.  Anymore, I think I might just be too much for her.

Right now I don't have a plan.  I have a list.  

Hey, I take that back...the plan is to be in Seattle by Feb 28. (whew, thanks for letting me think that out)

Monday, February 9, 2009

Now I lay me down to sleep

Westy and Kate have emboldened me to post that most sacred of spaces, my bed. Unlike my predecessors, I didn't clean (with the exception of taking the newspapers off the side I don't sleep on). Yes, I am in the process of reading every one of the books stacked on that table.  And no, I'm not telling what's in the basket.  

This, for me, is the epitomy of wild abandon. Get a good look. I may take this post down in a fit of my usual shyness soon.

Post your bedroom photo.  Don't leave me hanging out here by myself...

Living the Dream

Now I've gone and done it. I've up and made the decision. No more wishin'. It helps when trying to come to a decision for somethig external to assist with the factors involved. To wit, I go into work today to sign my severance papers. That's it. That's the external factor. In light of that...I'm moving to Seattle.

I need to be on the road by February 27. To stay any longer would be "piddling" away money, as my previous husband so eloquently put it (I do appreciate his eloquence, even when I haven't liked what he was saying). I would love to go earlier except my youngest daughter has the lead in the school play. She's a senior this year. The performances start on the 26th. I've always been to all performances and games for each of my children. This'll be a first, to only go to one performance, but I can't stay any longer. I have a focus in my life right now that I've got to stay with. Trust me, my youngest daughter is fine with this. She's looking forward to coming out to Seattle to check out the colleges and universities in June. My eldest daughter moved out (again) this weekend to her own apartment. She's pleased to see me make myself happy. I need to back up and let her live on her own, though it bugs me, it's probably a good thing. Her dad's in town. The Eloquent One says, "I gotcha covered. Get outta here. Me 'n the girls'll be fine."

18 Days. Someone start the stop watch.

Do I have a job in Seattle? Not yet. But in this neck of the woods now that the GM auto plant closed this last December and the ancillary companies either closing or moving and no want ads for even a Wal-Mart greeter, what a great opportunity to go somewhere I've always wanted to go. I did have an interview in Mad Town, 40 minutes up the road, a couple of Fridays ago. Oh ick. My sources in the Seattle area tell me layoffs and troubled times are there too. And yet one source has actually gotten my name on the roster for March hiring (fiscal year openings)...I just need to be there to keep the process moving. Timing....timing is everything.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Wayward E-mails

In the years that I have worked at my job occassionally a wayward email has come my way. These have always had information not meant for my eyes. They have always been eye-openers; some bad, some good. One came this evening just as I was shutting down my computer.

A little cut and past here:
Yes, we have her on the list and will be contacting you to schedule her
with the others. I was told she starts at 9:00. Do you want us to talk
with her right at 9:00? I thought we could talk to her and then you
could provide her with time to collect her things or we could arrange
for her to come back in and collect her things at a later date.
End quote.

I'm out until Monday to enjoy my son's college graduation. I feel such release. I feel set free. I am absolutely ready to enjoy my long and wonderful weekend traipsing across the country to see my son, and to finally relax. And on Monday...(big happy sigh) there will be no surprises.

Have a glass of wine with me this evening. I'm happy.

Life of an Amoeba

Last week I took some sick time off work. This week I'm taking some vacation time. This hanging out at the house or traveling feels pretty good. I need to pick up some lottery tickets, a winnning lottery ticket, so I can keep this up. I'm far more relaxed than last week. Next week I'll be as productive as an amoeba, I'm sure. Except amoeba, being single celled animals, end up having to do all the work themselves. That analogy may actually back-fire on me. I'm trying to find something that works with very little actual work involved.

Monday, February 2, 2009

4th Annual Bloggers Silent Poetry Reading

In honor of the 4th Annual Bloggers Silent Poetry Reading I would like to share this, yet another poem by my favorite poet, Jay Leeming, from his book Dynamite on a China Plate.

He Breathes Out Slowly

A woman's lips are like dynamite, they can blow
a house right off its foundations, remove
the car from the garage, money out of
pockets, his watch, keys, coins and cards
thrown onto a table near half-empty drinks,
damp napkins and cigarettes touched with lipstick
like a red glow at dawn, leaving his house
he goes out to meet her
by the morning glories, flowers opening
to fill his life with dresses, earrings,
painted toenails, green shoes and a skirt
tumbling like black water and mirrors, a skirt
that spends the night beside a chair, on the floor
like a feather of a bird dropped,
the sound of their voices laughing together
heard through a wall
by a man watching TV alone,
their breath at night rippling out
in stories told to friends,
the ice cream they eat
by the water, watching ships he tells
the door slammed, I meant to tell you
when it was all over, I meant to say
just how we met and what it came to,
what I did, a sock beneath
a bed, a voice inside a violin, hand
on her back, the waltz wrapped
in the hat he left behind a chair.