Thursday, March 31, 2011

7 Days

Tuesday I almost blew it. I asked to bum one. I didn't mean it. And nobody came up with anything to smoke, and I was glad for that. I did realize that the hardest time for me is when I am coming home from work. I breath funny during that time. In through the nose, out through the mouth. It helps get over any cravings.

April Fools Day tomorrow. I'd love to come up with a treat for myself. Just to celebrate April.

I got in touch with the coaches from the marathon last year to see if they want any help with the water stops. I will be helping out this Saturday and twice in May. It makes me want to run again. I should find a group that runs the mountains trails around here. I know people do. I should be looking for a group. I'll be signing up for tennis in the meantime. It's all good.

And I made it a week. not bad...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 3

I made it to day 3. Not that I didn't go clean out my bedroom a little bit looking for any leftovers. Yes, I would have smoked 'em. Of course, just to finish them off and really have a clean house. But, the house was clean, so I've made it to day 3.

It wasn't a big craving...but it was a craving yesterday as I checked hiding places in the closet and my bureau. Today it's a little more. Nothing too bad. I did find the hynosis CD I got that time I went through hypnosis for this. I remember listening to it a couple times and thinking I need to rewrite it to better fit my issues. I've not listened to it yet this weekend. I haven't found my earphones. I'm pretty sure my daughters would be thrilled to turn down the television (disney channel of course) to let me listen to this CD. If I end up listening to it for the week, or month as is recommended, I will definitely be rewriting it. I'm not sure I'm a good hypnosis candidate. I just know I feel wonderful after a hypnosis session. I feel wonderful for months. What a great drug!

Still breathing.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Day 1

Let's do it again. This time for a week. Goals this week are:

1. No borrowing (like using someone's toothbrush)
2. No buying (you're broke anyway)
3. Find that Hypnosis CD and listen to it - both am AND pm
4. Relax & Smile
5. Remember it's just for one week (or a month maybe)

Note to self:
remember too there is the dermatologist appt on Monday following this - how cool to go in "clean". Yeah, it's pride. So what? and Why not?

Breathe, just remember to breathe, you'll be fine.

March 26 is day two.

Monday, March 21, 2011

22.5 Average

The average age of my grown children is 22.5 years. My son and his girlfriend are visiting this week. So far I'm able to keep up with Thing 1, Thing 2, Son and Significant Other during this visit. It's not necessarily easy. No one seems to get horizantal, as in bedtime, until 2 am or so. I wonder by putting in an 8 hour day at work and then going on to play with them in the evening if I may actually be "besting" them at the stamina game.

I remember playing like my babies when they were still in diapers, lying on the floor kicking their feet in the air. So, I'd try it. That stuff wore me out (never mind looking silly). But I kept up with them. Geesh, here I am 20+ years later still keeping up with them.

Last night was home video night. I've not heard my offspring laugh so hard, so completely, in years. They thought their dad's mullet was hilarious. They laughed even harder to see their brother with a mullet of his own (at age seven) in the very next scene. They howled in laughter at the dog pushing one of them off the sofa. All three were riveted to the tv for the next scene, entranced. Amazing stuff. I enjoyed watching them laugh more than watching the video they were watching.

Oh, I want to go home and crawl into bed. Yet, more than that, I want to arrive at the restaurant fresh and full of pep for the great dinner we have planned. Time is too short. I'm grabbing every speck laid before me.

Monday, March 14, 2011


It's Pi day. I had visions of Chicken pot pi for dinner. But, no. Dinner tonight was voted in as casserole day - casserole with pasta. The pasta thing is partly with the thought that this is National Pasta Month. I offered to put the casserole in a crust. That was voted down too.

When is National Strawberry and Peaches month? I've got a jonesing.

PS: If Japan is 13 feet closer to the US does this mean I have to move my fence? And it is possible that Ms. Palin can see Russia now.

Final thought - Scientists are publishing that the day is now microseconds shorter than it was previous to the earthquake last week. Truly there is not enough time in the I have hard scientific evidence of this.

I find myself wondering - how long was a day four hundred years ago? Is it like women's dress sizes in America? Maybe the day was twenty four hours like now, but it was a longer twenty four hours. Maybe I still wear a size 9, it's just a larger size 9. (OHMYGOD, I am rolling on the floor laughing at myself - hahahahaha, size 9 hahahaha. Oh my, I can be so funny.)

Thursday, March 10, 2011


I was perusing old e-mails looking for a particular link I wanted to share with a co-worker. Motivational stuff I thought would be useful. Instead of finding the e-mail I was looking for I found the e-mail regarding being laid off at work from two years ago. I find myself wallowing in it.

I wonder, of all the things I give away, toss out, clear from my space, why do I keep all my e-mails? Why did I keep that one? It should be motivational - I mean really, what a way to re-start life. It was certainly motivating at the time. I'm not feeling motivated at the moment. I scroll through all the e-mails in that one folder alone (the folder marked family) and I am struck by the missed opportunities, the dreams not made manifest. I wonder, any other day would I be seeing the connections that were made, the funnies that were shared, the airline tickets that have criss-crossed the country? I am sorry that I came across that e-mail. I'm sorry that I opened it again and read it. AND YET, I'm not sure I'm ready to delete it. Why is that?

Monday, March 7, 2011

Misappropriate Behaviors #1

While waiting in a medical waiting room, DO NOT, under any circumstances, engage in a tickle fight with the person accompanying you.

Especially if you are born prior to 1948. Or either one of you is wearing a studded dog collar. Seriously mixed messages here.

That will be all.

Friday, March 4, 2011

That First Week

I've just finished the first week at my new old job. It's actually been a bit of a strange week. The days go by as they always do, nothing has changed. The requirements of my position are as they always are, nothing has changed. The people, the hallways, the everything is as it always is, nothing has changed. And yet...

I've been near tears more than I would have ever thought. Almost every day. I don't know what the deal is. These aren't tears of joy, nor are they tears of frustration. These aren't anything I can really name. I've come home at the end of the day and merely crawled into bed. No dinner, no book reading, no nothing. Crawl into bed, turn out the lights and roll over and sleep. It's more as if I have come to the end of a really really intense movie, or I've finished a book that had grabbed my life and imagination. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what hit me. It's been the softest and longest hit I've yet experienced. Part of me wants to sleep until this blows over and I can get back to feeling just fine - like I usually do. Part of me wants to whoop from the rooftops and then cry my relief.

I have a new employee ID badge - a real employee ID badge - the one with the blue stripe and all. I've never been proud of an employee badge (I don't need no stinking badge). I'm actually proud of this one. Now there's a twist of attitude for you. Making one wait really does make the thing one is waiting for that much more. I'm drained.

Quote by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on
your knees for a hundred
miles throught the desert,
repenting. You only have to
let the soft animal of your
body love what it loves.

~Mary Oliver

Enjoy your Friday. I certainly hope to.