For all of you who know it all

Can you believe she referred to us that way?  We are her class.  What just came out of her mouth?  She just called us Know-it-all's.  Was she talking to me?  Am I know-it-all-y? Why would she want to bring us down like that?  We get a Participation Award just for showing up. 

Who cares if she was right?  We are her Monday night class of All-That-And-A-Bag-of-Chips.  I can that see each of the men and women here in her Monday night class pride themselves on being limber or strong.  We know each of the poses before she can even ask us to come into them.  Monday night, hey this is the smarty-pants crowd.   Thing is, it wasn't until after she said, "For all you know-it-all's here..." that I now see the type of class we are.

Let's be clear - she encourages and promotes our knowing.  That's inherent in a good instructor.  I like this instructor in particular because she spends large portions of her class each week showing us and coaxing us into proper alignment with our yoga poses.  She spends a portion of her instruction time in allowing us to move into our asana (our pose) and feel how it is supposed to feel.

The Monday before last it was the plank pose.  I have always prided myself on how long I can hold a plank.  I have been holding it wrong.  While in plank I do not hurt, but going into the pose and coming out again, usually in a down-facing dog, my lower back would twinge.  Depending on how many times the instructor has the class going in and out of Downward Dog my lower back would change from twinge to soft pain.  I was hoping I was getting stronger.  According to my Monday Night Instructor I most likely am not getting stronger; I am just in pain.  Now my planks are at a different angle, not a let's-do-push-ups angle, and my Downward-Facing Dogs are easy in and easy out.

This week Monday Night Instructor decided our chair poses (Utkatasana) were very sad. Very sad. She walked between us and said, "For all you who know it all, let pretend you don't and start from the beginning." We were in our chair poses, varying states of sitz, feeling the burn, I'm sure. (Some yoga instructors have referred to the chair pose as the Uncomfortable pose. Maybe Uncomfortable and Utkatasana sound alike - I can't tell.  My Sanskrit is fuzzy.) I can only wonder how many others were feeling the burn from her words. Maybe it was only me.

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"Butt-ology 101"

But it seems we all came to attention as we considered her requests to learn our anatomy and how to engage the gluteus medus rather than the gluteus maximus when standing. We considered where the neck meets the Thoracic spine - how to look up with out engaging the neck. Very interesting stuff.

We used our gluteus medus to stand - and what a change that is from using gluteus maximus. Our gluteus maximus engages our lower back.  Our gluteus medus engages our hips more than our back.  Monday Instructor trains us that as we stand again coming out of the Chair Pose we are to push our feet and knees outward - not that they move, feet stay on the ground and the knees stay over the toes - are engaging a different set of muscles to stand coming from the Chair Pose.  Totally cool stuff to feel a whole side of leg muscles instead of my back.

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While I have always "liked" the chair pose...this Monday I learned where all the angles are supposed to reside.  My upper body is to be at the same angle as my lower legs.   My arms are to be at the same angle as my upper body.  My head and gaze are to look up - but without engaging my neck - that was a great lesson as well.  It seems that with a little practice and mindfulness one can find the spot to tilt one's head back without  engaging the entire upper neck leading into the skull. Holding the pose just got easier.

Though I am not totally enamored of this particular yoga studio - I don't know that I will sign up for the long term here - that Monday Night Instructor is worth her weight in gold and I'm the Know-It-All to say it.

Gotta Do It

It seems that I just gotta do it. It's that mental monkey being let loose as action. Just gotta do it. Yoga. Yep, it's that simple. That's all I'm really talking about. I'm one of those people that needs to be doing something. Physical exertion is the sweetness of living. Or sweat-ness, depending on your point of view.

Yoga for me is exertion without sweat. I'm not a fan of hot yoga. I get light-headed too easy to add heat into the mix. I just like how good I feel after stretching every muscle available and massaging all the internal organs that get massaged during yoga.

I've been practicing yoga on and off since I was 19 years old. Last January, over a year ago, I made a personal promise to myself to get a yoga teacher certificate. Just for giggles. Just to say I did. Here I am fifteen months later, missed my own deadline, still thinking this is what I want to do. I want that satisfaction of having reached the goal of earning a piece of paper.

I am 6 days into a 30 day challenge I have imposed on myself to simply attend a yoga class every day. I have 21 days left of this 30 day challenge. It's a step in the right direction. What I have learned in the first week:

1. There are VERY few yoga studios that offer Friday evening yoga classes. This means attending a yoga session every day for 30 days is damn near impossible - Fridays are just not offered. I have adjusted my goal. Mostly because I signed up for a killer six week deal. The adjusted challenge is now to attend a yoga session everyday except Fridays for six weeks.

2. I learned that it's a good thing that I did not jump into 200 hour certificated training. This simpler challenge is a great tune up for me to be in enough shape to sign up for a teacher course. If I had signed up straight into certificated training like I thought I wanted to I would be wondering today if I was "good enough" for it. By challenging myself to just attend, just go to class, I think I have set myself up for success.

3. I hurt. I hurt different every day. It's that good hurt that lets me know my muscles are working. I don't know if I will hurt when I get to the fourth week still. I'll let you know.

4. Each class is completely different. Each instructor brings style with her. It is a good thing to be open. Be willing.

5. Hip flexures are a favorite theme for these instructors. After only two days of concentrating on hip flexure I find myself wondering if I will be sitting in full lotus in six weeks. Do I want to?

6. Shoulders and neck is also a favorite topic. My back is already starting to show definition. Okay, that's my imagination, never mind. My shoulders ache. It's a good ache.

7. I wanted to do two classes on Saturday to make up for not having the one Friday class. I learned that I may be a masochist and I need to just stand down.

Six weeks of classes is not exactly going to be a cake walk. I have a two hour commute every week day as it is. Classes are 75 minutes. I don't get home at night until 7:30 p.m.. When I get back from my son's wedding in May I will have to assess which teacher training site will fit my style best. This year - this year - this year.

In the Last Five Years

In the last five years I have had the opportunity to do some amazing things. I moved to Washington State 5 years ago this week and today is a great day to mark the anniversary of my arrival.

In the last 5 years I -

Ran a half-Marathon.

Went to Paradise (and had a snowball fight while I was there).

Wrote 2 novels - one 50,000+ words, the second 100,000+ words (edits are NOT complete yet).

Got a job.

Got a promotion.

Married off a daughter.

Launched another daughter.

Changed cell phone plans (harder than it sounds.)

Changed cell phone plans again (I got it down this time. I have no FEAR)

Dealt with and defeated the Wicked Witch of Stupid Office Politics and Power Mongering (and I got a better job out of defeating that witch...damn I'm good)

Furnished an apartment exactly as I wanted.

Bought a car for $100 - and I've been driving it for 2+ years now.

Sold my truck for good money while it was still a working vehicle.

I have visited my family every year that I have been here. Sometimes they come to me. And sometimes I go to them.

I was named Women's Division Leader at my "house of worship". That was cool.

Broke my ankle.

Took up skiing again (in that order).

I caught a HUGE salmon!

I pulled clams out of the sand.

I held a starfish and tiptoed through Sand Dollar beds.

I went to a parade of Naked Bicylists (three years in a row - I have photos to prove it).

Went to a professional baseball game.

Went to a professional Football game.

I've let Green Frogs sing me to sleep and wake me up in the morning.

I sang to Calliope music.

I rode a Ferry across the Sound.

I drove over the pass in late winter.

I'm going to keep thinking on this. Maybe add to the list. I've done a lot in the last five years. And in remembering all that has occurred lies a happiness that I cannot deny.

Life is good.

The Sound and the Mountain

I've moved lately. In one friend's point of view, I've moved finally. It may have taken a long time from the decision to the execution but I was in no particular hurry to change up the scenery. I liked my apartment. Some of you may remember the day I posted a photo of doing cartwheels in my own new apartment back in 2009. I was happy. For goodness sake, I was thrilled.

I am still thrilled for myself for that move. Thrilled for that WHOLE move - from Wisconsin to Washington - without benefit of a job - with a truck and a 4x8 trailer. That, my friends, was thrilling.

This newest move is thrilling for a whole new and opposite set of reasons. I have traded the wide, fulfilling expanse of the waters of the Puget Sound for the majestic, humbling and empowering force of Mt Rainier. And I have moved in with someone.

I have traded the thrill of knowing for myself, knowing my self, the thrill of proving that I can do it, that I am capable, that I am not a nitwit. I have traded the empowering self-ness that I gained in living by myself with the thrill of bringing my self to this table, the thrill of sharing my self with another person who is fully capable of self-ness as well. I have two feet now, and I know how to use them.

I am living with someone. (Note to self: Cartwheel pictures?).

In Consideration of World Peace

I am not and never have been an entrant to any known or unknown beauty pagent. So it is not in my area of expertise to express my supreme wish that we achieve world peace. However, I am not going to let this stop me from expressing this wish.

Today's post comes about as I've been thinking about the joys of "guided meditation". I mean really, it is so cool to have someone speaking gently modulated into your ear. They say wonderful things such as, "Relax" and "Go high above yourself, leave yourself behind". Now I'm sure the last one can be a little unnerving if you have any kind separation anxieties. Regardless, I had a particularly inspiring guided meditation this month that I want to remember. It was a Sharing Your Personal World Peace Meditation (my title, not theirs).

Thing is, that is what the meditation was. It was a guided, imaginative, walk-through of what sharing world peace can feel like.

This is an Oprah and Chopra Meditation. I'm sure you can find it at

In any case - the meditation requests that as you relax with your eyes closed imagine a light eminating from yourself, a brilliant gleaming white light just pushing its clear radiancy from you. Then take this light, hold it in your hands. Know with the depths of your true self that this light, that you now hold in your hands, is world peace. Know that it is truly world peace. Now turn to the soul that is to your left and give to this soul next to you, give them world peace. And as you give them this light, this world peace feel them accept this gift from you. Feel their acceptance and joy in receiving your gift. Enjoy these feelings.

And then, still relaxed and in meditation, turn to your right and accept the brilliant beautiful gift that the soul next to you is giving you. Accept the world peace that is being gifted, given, handed to you. Feel the beauty of this gift. Send your own acceptance and joy in receiving this gift to the soul on your right that has gifted you.

I noticed that as I was in meditation I found myself 'looking up' at the throng of individual souls - as far as I could 'see' - passing glimmering, sparkling beneficient white light among themselves. It was astounding that so many souls were sending out and accepting in this stunning display of world peace.

I love guided meditation. Maybe that is why I like books so much.

Day 6 - Meditations update - Reminders are good

Today has been an eye opener.  I mistakenly deleted the usual Mediation e-mails that I receive each day.  this lead me to sign in to the website to retrieve the information.  I find I am looking forward to these e-mails.  Hey, hey...on the webiste there is a  bunch of great information.  There is a soundtrack of guided meditation that lasts the entire 15 minutes.  There is a journal area as well.  Today I used the journal and it was such a confirmition of how I feel.  I can only reinterate that things happen for a reason.  It was a great time to find out all the tools available for signing in to a website.

The meditations themselves are still focusing on self and on self-esteem.  The focus is still on the self and feeling well enough to put this good feeling out there to the ones that matter in our lives.  Today I was struck by rememberences of things I have let slide for myself.  I feel I'm getting my mojo back.  I didn't know I had lost it.  I still have dreams to make come true.  I still put those things on the back burner.  I still feel amazingly well when I bring these goals back up to the forefront.  I can tell here that I love reminders.  These last 6 days of mediation have been a great reminder.

Getting Serious, or not

I starting taking apart the machine this morning. The sewing machine is skipping stitches again. I was going to have a sewing machine shipped out to me but it seems there is no Greyhound bus station in the little Wisconsin burg to drop the shipment off at. (Is that a dangling participle? Something is dangling...oops, back on track...) I did take a look at the machinery and all looks well. I will need another machine for the actual quilting, the stuff that shows (I'm not a handstitch quilter). I have one more person to go to nearby to borrow from. I'm waiting until I get to that point of quilting before I borrow. This machine will get all the piecing done, the top of the quilt and the back of the quilt can all be done with this machine. I put it all back together this morning and got one more block put together. Every bit helps.

Yesterday I pulled together several block AND watched the football game. No need to deny myself the best of entertainment, especially with friends. I've had a good week in general. I guess I just feel better when I have a project, an active interest. It seems when I'm not working on this quilt my mind falls into rollercoaster mode. I find myself laughing out loud at the innuendo my brain comes up with. I might be crazy, but at least I find myself entertaining.

The Before Photos

The challenge begins today. I promised myself I would start on August 15, and that within 30 days I would have Katie's Quilt finished. Yesterday I took the table cloth off the dining table. I cleared the area of the other half-baked projects, old mail, expired coupons, and last weeks wilting flowers. Last night I replaced two lightbulbs in the ceiling fixture. (we go through a lot of lightbulbs around here). This morning I opened the banker's box that holds all of The Project that is Katie's Quilt and laid out the parts and pieces. I think...we are ready for a thirty day push to the finish line. In real-time I should be posting finished quilt photos on September 13.

Finished (adjective); completed or perfected in all details. Quilted, bound and delivered.

A quick recap here - I started this quilt the spring Katie (otherwise known as Thing One) graduated high school. I take that back, I start this quilt that previous fall making the pattern. Kate chose a quilt that did not include a pattern with the photo in the book.

Let's see that was...2007(?). The quilt was supposed to be done and presented to her upon her high school graduation in 2008. She upheld her end and graduated. Me, well, I must be on the short bus. I'm a little slow.

The pattern is rather involved, maybe even confusing at times. As my defense to keep things straight I constructed the quilt in miniature using paper. I came up with this paper model to keep me on track. The style of quilt block is a Twisted Log Cabin. Kate chose the Equilateral Triangle. Under the kitchen counter, here, is the pattern (you see it as it is today, after several years of referring to it.)

I think we should consider these the "Before" photos. Even if they are really the "Mid-Way" photos. When I'm done posting here on the computer I will be sewing. As I type this right now, I have a marked feeling of procrastination.

I expect to be posting updates daily. There's only 29 to go.

Maybe just a list today

I've started a couple entries now and somehow nothing is of any particular interest; to me at any rate.

An overview of all I've written and deleted would read:

*Quit smoking, again. Thank you goes to a good friend that blew through town in July. Face and complexion are clearing. Smile is genuine.
*Mom's surgery went well. She is wondering why I get so worked up. I'm wondering why parents don't behave.
*Work is going well. I truly have no complaints. None. I think I should have complaints. That is my only complaint.
*Financially I'm still on track. (I am surprised to be spending so much on food & groceries. I mean, like, twice what I think I "should" spend on keeping myself fed. Will work to bring that down.) Still, I spent less than I made and I sent that off to pay down my loan from May. It is now a source of pride to be taking care of that.
*Football season is back on.
*Life is good.

* Oh and - I really like Gore Vidal's Lincoln. Chatty, opinionated characters, gossipy. It's a delightful read (so far). Did it have to be such a fat book? It lifts like a doorstop.

First Edition

For all the reading I do I've not read Gore Vidal. Maybe because they always look like doorstop bricks rather than books. I've traded books with a bus top buddy. He handed me a first edition Gore Vidal, Lincoln to borrow. He did say that Vidal gets "gossipy". Yep. It's chatty and gossipy and informative and entertaining. I'm thoroughly enjoying this. (I can't believe it, the calliope just started playing. I haven't heard the neighborhood calliope in over a year. It's playing, Do Your Ears Hang Low. Amazing)

The hardest part about the book is that it is a first edition. I didn't borrow him a first edition, did I? Maybe I did. But it was a free book. In any case, I don't want to carry this book on the bus. I don't want to eat while I read. I don't want to take it to the beach with me. I feel that I must sit quietly in a proper chair bent over this proper book till my neck hurts. It's a good book, it takes me a while to realize my neck hurts.

I wasn't in the mood to read when I started this book. I wasn't in the mood for really anything. I'm still not. I get my clothes ready for work, I go to work, come home, do nothing to speak of and go back to work the next day. It's not a bad life. I've let most everything slip by the wayside. I play guitar still; nothing recognizable. The fairytale blog is in hiatus, nothing recognizable there either. My instinct is to do nothing. I'm getting good at it.

I should go wash my hands so I can get back to reading...

Holding rope

On May 18th I posted my definition of financial security. I was in the throws of pulling my financial ass out of the well. I'm still hoisting up the rope. It's tough, holding on to the rope that I've already pulled up and then grabbing the fistfuls of line above that. You know, there's never really anytime to let go. One must hold the rope. That's just to stay even. I'm a bit of a heavy weight to be holding, financially (I think). My arms are feeling the strain. I wonder if muscles will come of this that make holding onto the rope less strenuous.

Since May 18th - almost two weeks now - I think I have written every list, repeatedly, of what is to be paid, when does it want to be paid, how much does it think it wants to be paid. I have culled out the bills that suck out the money automatically. I have a separate list of bills that I get to pay at my discretion. Every one of these lists is headed up with income information, as if that changes. I'm still making lists.

I did open a secondary bank account. I set it up to have a sweep done every payday. Antonio was lovely, had it done in minutes. With a name like Antonio I can say really pouffe things like, "My banker, Antonio says...." Anyway, the sweep is for half my rent plus a couple bucks more. Okay, it's the amount of what I want my rent to be for the next perfect rental property. I figure it's practise paying for a place with a water view. The "plan" is to pay rent from this new account, and the extra stays in this account as savings for things like deposits on new dwellings, car repair or down payment, and dental care (as I am scheduled for a root canal - though I think I only need a cap).

I have soooo many things on my "To Save For" list. It's longer than my "To be Paid" list. The working account will take care of the rest of living and bills as it always has. I'm hoping this way - sweeping the money aside - that I lose the stress of rent coming from one pay check, and I gain a healthy aspect on savings.

I do like my lists.

The money came

I think what bothers me most is that I'm not a kid. I'm no longer in my twenties. Somewhere near the end of my twenties I figured a person ought to have the financial wherewithall to move ahead without assistance.

The money arrived. The phones are back on. The car is getting new parts as I type this. I've enough for an emergency fund. Now, paying this back is important to me.

(An aside here - my son got the sous chef position, regardless of the phones. My daughter picked up another shift at work, regardless of the phones. And my other daughter heard greatt news from Afghanistan without the phones. Facebook, e-mail and face to face work wonders...)

There are a ton of extremely unhelpful budgeting sites on the internet. What a mash-up of misguided muck. There's the big names like Suze Orman and Ramsey: out for a buck. The Ramsey's approach makes more sense - but a rather difficult site. One of my friends at work suggested Mint.com. That's what I've been putzing on here at work between phone calls and projects. I've been setting up my financial tracking on-line. I understand they have a touch screen version for my iPad. When I get home tonight I will download that app (please may they offer it free) and get some of the particulars put in it right. I like the way Mint.com is set up. It appears to allow me to tweak individual categories and tags and stuff so that all this makes sense to me. I don't care if it makes sense to anyone else. I don't appreciate that loans off the grid, such as the one I have, are not enterable into this program. Everything at Mint.com is "attached" to a retail account, attached to a "real bank". I will need to find a way to account for a loan from a private lender. With all the bells and whistles of Mint.com I can see how a program like this can keep me interested enough to track my expenses and maybe even reach some goals.

It's been a nice diversion, that may not be a diversion after all.