Tuesday, May 25, 2010

While I Scrub the Tub

I have a tendency to clean the house when I'm angry. I fostered this outlet a couple decades ago. My homes have never been spotless - I take this as a good sign. Yes, I've been known to clean when I'm not angry. The point is that today as I was scrubbing the bathtub I realized this is an angry cleaning. It was brought home to me when I sat back on my haunches and pondered the fact that I am dressed for work already in a skirt; I had already done up the face and mascara bit and I had changed out of my work blouse into a t-shirt to clean the bathroom. I don't know, the whole picture looked wrong.

Here's the things I'm willing to admit out loud to being angry about (maybe seriously frustrated is a better word) - I'm frustrated that my daughter mopes (as if I didn't when I was that age). I'm frustrated to be going back to work when I am working on not having to go back to work. I am frustrated at having to go back to work at the place I am going to work (that may be my biggest frustration). I am frustrated that my daughter doesn't clean the house more. I am frustrated at having to tell her I want to use the computer - doesn't she read minds, and hey, why don't we have a computer for each of us. I am frustrated that my car is again wanting monetary attention - rear-brakes, either another battery or a starter (and I'm not looking forward to finding out which). I am frustrated at some other stuff that hurts my heart and my feelings but ya'll can use your imagination there.

I'd like to really minimize this all by saying I'm just tired. or impatient or whatever. Anyway, my bathroom is clean.


  1. I can feel your pain my dear! HUGS

  2. I can understand all of that, especially the impatience, but not the cleaning the bathoom part. I hate cleaning the bathroom.

    Tell your daughter that as you boh use the facilities, you are both responsible for its upkeep. However, it is your computer, so from now on she will let YOU know when she wants to use it, not vice versa.

    I have to say I don't miss owning a car all that much.

    I know about having a bruised heart and feelings, too.

  3. This is rather amusing when reading this from the OUTSIDE of the experience (you are a very good writer)!

    On a soul level you know this job you're having to pursue is not part of your main life purpose so it feels WRONG. At the same time ... every experience that makes us feel aggravated also helps us decide exactly what it is from life that we really REALLY want ... and we can then focus on our goals better.

    Love and light ...