I was going to share the fact that Tuesday my windshield started to crack. If I'm lucky it will stay low on the glass. I was going to share that I have a slow electric "leak" on my truck. If I don't start it everyday I require a jumpstart. If I unhook the radio I'm betting this problem will go away. But, then I would have no radio. I prefer to go out and start my truck every day. I was going to share that my children are making their lives difficult right now and there is nothing I can do to stop it, other than counsel them firmly to stop it.I don't know why all these things have come to the forefront today, or this week even.
Putting the mirror up to me it's fairly obvious; I'm not feeling well. Physically yes, spiritually not so much. I've considered myself an optimist for so long it is disconcerting to have things fester (?) below the surface. I may be a little scared at what I find if I pull at the curtain. We all know, "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." When in actuality, he was just a person, as any of us. That poor wizard had hopes and aspirations that as a normal person, and not a wizard, were difficult to live up to. And yet, he made things happen. I've been working behind the curtain lately. I like it here. I don't want to come out from behind. I'd prefer to stay here and work on all my little wizardy projects for a while longer. I'm not "done" yet. Ahso, I go back to work on Monday. I better straighten up for the "real" world. Here I was beginning to believe I lived in the Emerald City (that's a joke folks, regarding Seattle's nickname).
I realize it's 1:30 in the morning, but my days and nights have been running together as my brain has taken over my body. I've released control of time in a normal scheduling sense. While I feel "good", it's made a mush of "normal" life. Normal life is calling.
My job coming up will be to integrate some time behind the curtain with the time I am required to work on other people's projects. Sustainability of one's purpose while sustaining an income is an excellent exercise in life. I'm experiencing a bit of dread that I may have atrophied a bit during this time off.
When the wizard was called on to show his true colors, he did okay. He stepped up to the plate. He didn't "save" everyone as he wanted to, but he got them started. An important tangible moment was the hot air balloon worked. He wasn't so bad, just flustered. Someday I'm going to have to read that book.
(Okay, maybe he was a pompous ass)
As the wizard of my domain, I have to say that it takes a measure of pompousness to belive you can even save yourself, let alone someone else.
ReplyDeleteI do not speak of the pompitous of love, that is a whole nother level of wizardry :-)