Saturday, September 11, 2010

Maybe a little lost

Saying "Yes" feels irresponsible. Saying "No" feels like I am cheating myself from what is available. I want to KNOW all will be okay. Saying "no" doesn't feel any better than saying "yes".

The change that will be here soon (job, family, home) plays with my reality and it is hard to accept graciously. The unknown of change that is coming is still scary. Even when I know it can be "better". I wonder what step I haven't yet taken that will bring me to the next plateau. I mean to be walking uphill, yet the landscape is too close for me to view my ascent. Am I walking uphill?

If only the course came with directions instead of feelings. This morning I woke in a pervasive cloud of fear; this not knowing. I can't know that I have taken the right steps until I get there. Am I taking enough steps; in the right direction; fast enough? How unfair that seems to me right now.

The All There Is is laughing at me this morning. I should relax and see that humor of it for myself. I feel there may be too many steps to take to relax just yet.


  1. AW, my dear friend just relax have youirself a nice hot soak in a big tub of hot water, treat yourself to a spa treatment, or just take a day to "be" And laugh in the face at al those "changes' coming your way! And as a terrific friend and person once told me "just remember we are here to experience things and not do" Sound familiar? Hugs to you my dear enjoy the rest of the weekend!

  2. Me too. I can only hope someone's laughing, cause it ain't me. Yes, no, maybe
    I think you probably have it together more than most