Saturday, December 31, 2011

On the Eve of a New Year

For the last many years I have spent a month or more speculating, planning, forecasting for the coming year.  I didn't this year.  The year came up on me with no plans, no goals, nothing of note other than every day to just do the best I can, because, I suppose, like sheets of paper it all stacks up.  I don't feel bad about not planning.  It's actually a relief that I don't feel bad about it.  I took the week off of work this week.  I spot cleaned the carpets, washed windows and washed kitchen counter tops all the way to the corners, stocked the pantry shelves, washed sheets, swept patios and generally gave my home a serious house blessing to bring in the new year.  It will come in fresh.  For myself, I had my teeth polished by the dentist, got a facial, manicure and a pedicure (not by the dentist) I suppose I will come in fresh too.  I have no plans, no goals to share.  My only plan is to do the best I can each and every day.  And if a ream of paper is 500 sheets, this ream of days coming will be 365.  I wonder how tall that stacks?

Two and a half weeks ago I bought a hundred dollar car.  At the time I texted the seller and his buddy and asked, "Does it leak oil, or does it burn oil?"  I did not get a response at the time.  I now find that it leaks oil.    Like a sieve.  I filled the tank with gas; topped it off.  I have put two quarts of oil in the car since then and still have a half a tank of gas.  It's a lovely car. I thoroughly appreciate not walking in the cold, or the rain, or the dark (and especially all three) to get to the bus stop.  A car is a delight.  I'll be picking up a case of oil here soon enough to keep this beautiful heated, covered, wheel turning hunk of steel moving.  I love the car.  It even has a trunk for groceries.

I wonder what it means to "be the best I can" each and every day.  I suppose for me it means to be present.  It means to be compassionate and to be strong of intention for all things to go as well as possible for all concerned.  I hope it means to go to bed each night knowing that for me, I did what I could; and that is all that is necessary.

I am concerned about some people in my life.  I need to let them live their own life, their own way...but oh I so want to intervene, to kick start and do some new year's cleaning there too.   I know there are those around me that would like to kick start me.  I thank them for letting me live this crazy mess all as my own.  Thank you.  But hey, it doesn't stop me from being Mom or friend.

To tell the truth, (shhh, don't let on that you know)  I'm a little scared of this year.  I put myself in a spot that I have wanted to be in, and now I'm feeling the roller-coaster effect with the car climbing that initial lift hill to the first peak.  Truly the view is splendid, even if I can see the dips and loops that will be ahead.  I don't want to grip the handlebar too tight for that first plummet down on this ride.  I want to relax and enjoy the thrill.  It's a great time to be alive.  There's no telling how long this ride will be.  Maybe that's the scary part.

I wish you all, most sincerely, the best of everything.  May this year be fulfilling, may there always be enough (and more).


  1. What a beautiful post on this sleepless night! Not that your post put me to sleep! Isn't a day at the spa wonderful?! It must feel great to bring in the new year with a spotless house and a refurbished you..congrats on the $100 car, I've owned many of those in the past. I know what you mean about worrying about people..I worry more about my kids now than I think I ever have, and they're all grown middle son was home for a week from working on the pipeline in Alberta, and now he's gone again. Just like that. Every time I started to feel like I was annoying him with my constant questions I'd just tell him that if I don't ask these things I'll be drummed out of the 'Mother Club'. You're right, being a Mom doesn't just stop. I tell my boys that I don't want to control their lives, I just want to be sure that they're okay.
    It sounds cliche, but I suppose we should try to just appreciate everything as if it were a hundred dollar car, lol! I'm being quite serious..I'm trying to appreciate the people I have in my life without suffocating them..It really IS a great time to be alive, and we don't know when it will end, for us or for the people we love, and that is scary..Thank you for such a lovely post. Peace to you in the new year.

  2. I just want to get through another year. Plan the year? Hell, I don't plan my days very often and work days are all planned out (truck breakdowns notwithstanding.) I generally only ride the rollercoasters I have built myself, so I can't complain if I want to toss my cookies on the occasional drop...
    May you cover each clean sheet of paper in your stack with wonderful things... both sides!

  3. How right you are Sarah. And hey dont ya just love those "used" cars. Heres hoping the new year will be extremely kind to ya!

  4. Isn't there some kind of gunk you can add that helps leaks Maybe it is something simple, maybe it is not. Good that it works. If only you could collect what leaks and put it back in. Tie a pan underneath and pull it out at stop lights and dump it back in.
    All that new year junk, as if the days are different than before and the countryside has magically changed is pure fabrication and unhealthy.
    Besides, isn't the world supposed to end sometime in 2012?