On the Eve of a New Year

For the last many years I have spent a month or more speculating, planning, forecasting for the coming year.  I didn't this year.  The year came up on me with no plans, no goals, nothing of note other than every day to just do the best I can, because, I suppose, like sheets of paper it all stacks up.  I don't feel bad about not planning.  It's actually a relief that I don't feel bad about it.  I took the week off of work this week.  I spot cleaned the carpets, washed windows and washed kitchen counter tops all the way to the corners, stocked the pantry shelves, washed sheets, swept patios and generally gave my home a serious house blessing to bring in the new year.  It will come in fresh.  For myself, I had my teeth polished by the dentist, got a facial, manicure and a pedicure (not by the dentist)...so I suppose I will come in fresh too.  I have no plans, no goals to share.  My only plan is to do the best I can each and every day.  And if a ream of paper is 500 sheets, this ream of days coming will be 365.  I wonder how tall that stacks?

Two and a half weeks ago I bought a hundred dollar car.  At the time I texted the seller and his buddy and asked, "Does it leak oil, or does it burn oil?"  I did not get a response at the time.  I now find that it leaks oil.    Like a sieve.  I filled the tank with gas; topped it off.  I have put two quarts of oil in the car since then and still have a half a tank of gas.  It's a lovely car. I thoroughly appreciate not walking in the cold, or the rain, or the dark (and especially all three) to get to the bus stop.  A car is a delight.  I'll be picking up a case of oil here soon enough to keep this beautiful heated, covered, wheel turning hunk of steel moving.  I love the car.  It even has a trunk for groceries.

I wonder what it means to "be the best I can" each and every day.  I suppose for me it means to be present.  It means to be compassionate and to be strong of intention for all things to go as well as possible for all concerned.  I hope it means to go to bed each night knowing that for me, I did what I could; and that is all that is necessary.

I am concerned about some people in my life.  I need to let them live their own life, their own way...but oh I so want to intervene, to kick start and do some new year's cleaning there too.   I know there are those around me that would like to kick start me.  I thank them for letting me live this crazy mess all as my own.  Thank you.  But hey, it doesn't stop me from being Mom or friend.

To tell the truth, (shhh, don't let on that you know)  I'm a little scared of this year.  I put myself in a spot that I have wanted to be in, and now I'm feeling the roller-coaster effect with the car climbing that initial lift hill to the first peak.  Truly the view is splendid, even if I can see the dips and loops that will be ahead.  I don't want to grip the handlebar too tight for that first plummet down on this ride.  I want to relax and enjoy the thrill.  It's a great time to be alive.  There's no telling how long this ride will be.  Maybe that's the scary part.

I wish you all, most sincerely, the best of everything.  May this year be fulfilling, may there always be enough (and more).

Holding rope

On May 18th I posted my definition of financial security. I was in the throws of pulling my financial ass out of the well. I'm still hoisting up the rope. It's tough, holding on to the rope that I've already pulled up and then grabbing the fistfuls of line above that. You know, there's never really anytime to let go. One must hold the rope. That's just to stay even. I'm a bit of a heavy weight to be holding, financially (I think). My arms are feeling the strain. I wonder if muscles will come of this that make holding onto the rope less strenuous.

Since May 18th - almost two weeks now - I think I have written every list, repeatedly, of what is to be paid, when does it want to be paid, how much does it think it wants to be paid. I have culled out the bills that suck out the money automatically. I have a separate list of bills that I get to pay at my discretion. Every one of these lists is headed up with income information, as if that changes. I'm still making lists.

I did open a secondary bank account. I set it up to have a sweep done every payday. Antonio was lovely, had it done in minutes. With a name like Antonio I can say really pouffe things like, "My banker, Antonio says...." Anyway, the sweep is for half my rent plus a couple bucks more. Okay, it's the amount of what I want my rent to be for the next perfect rental property. I figure it's practise paying for a place with a water view. The "plan" is to pay rent from this new account, and the extra stays in this account as savings for things like deposits on new dwellings, car repair or down payment, and dental care (as I am scheduled for a root canal - though I think I only need a cap).

I have soooo many things on my "To Save For" list. It's longer than my "To be Paid" list. The working account will take care of the rest of living and bills as it always has. I'm hoping this way - sweeping the money aside - that I lose the stress of rent coming from one pay check, and I gain a healthy aspect on savings.

I do like my lists.

The money came

I think what bothers me most is that I'm not a kid. I'm no longer in my twenties. Somewhere near the end of my twenties I figured a person ought to have the financial wherewithall to move ahead without assistance.

The money arrived. The phones are back on. The car is getting new parts as I type this. I've enough for an emergency fund. Now, paying this back is important to me.

(An aside here - my son got the sous chef position, regardless of the phones. My daughter picked up another shift at work, regardless of the phones. And my other daughter heard greatt news from Afghanistan without the phones. Facebook, e-mail and face to face work wonders...)

There are a ton of extremely unhelpful budgeting sites on the internet. What a mash-up of misguided muck. There's the big names like Suze Orman and Ramsey: out for a buck. The Ramsey's approach makes more sense - but a rather difficult site. One of my friends at work suggested Mint.com. That's what I've been putzing on here at work between phone calls and projects. I've been setting up my financial tracking on-line. I understand they have a touch screen version for my iPad. When I get home tonight I will download that app (please may they offer it free) and get some of the particulars put in it right. I like the way Mint.com is set up. It appears to allow me to tweak individual categories and tags and stuff so that all this makes sense to me. I don't care if it makes sense to anyone else. I don't appreciate that loans off the grid, such as the one I have, are not enterable into this program. Everything at Mint.com is "attached" to a retail account, attached to a "real bank". I will need to find a way to account for a loan from a private lender. With all the bells and whistles of Mint.com I can see how a program like this can keep me interested enough to track my expenses and maybe even reach some goals.

It's been a nice diversion, that may not be a diversion after all.

Defining Peace of Mind

The goal is financial peace of mind. That's it. Peace of mind. That in itself is priceless. I don't know if that means a million dollars, or five million dollars, or what. It definitely means a change of attitude.

For me, financially, Peace of Mind means -

1. I will have savings set aside to fly across the country in case of emergency. I want to know I can get to my loved ones should anything happen. With family in New York, Wisconsin, Colorado and California...well, it matters.

2. I can go months without bank charges on my free account. And then I go months when nothing goes through the bank on time and I am floating in red until payday. Peace of mind would be having a free checking account, in the black, at all times.

3. I want to open bills on payday, write a check or go online, file it and it's all done. That's it. Two weeks of peace of mind. A couple years ago I was paid once a month. I loved it. I paid all my bills in full on payday. I always felt the weight of the world lift from me. I saved up all the bills until payday - brought them all out at once - and all at once they disappeared. This is the kind of peace of mind I am working for.

4. I want to be able to see a doctor or a dentist and have the ability to pay upon receipt. Right now I can't do that. These bills are hefty. Thing Two went to a doc for regular checkup type stuff and 20 minutes later I have a bill for $238. Which reminds me I need to incorporate that one into my budget.

5. I want savings for emergencies. Two months income would be a nice start, considering I have nothing right now. I would need to come up with a recommended list of appropriate times to access the money. If the situation does not fall into one of those appropriate times then it must not be an emergency. It just seems that when I have savings everything is an emergency and nothing stays in savings.

That's it. That's my definition. I need to know where I'm going. I still don't know how I'll get there. Today I am defining the destination, not the path to get there.

I'm still tracking my spending. Once everything blew up in front of me tracking my spending just seems like a total waste of time. Except...okay, it has a grounding aspect to it. It is proof that I have not thrown my hands up in disgust. No, my hands are poised and at the ready to record that sixty-nine cents I spent last Friday for a bag of microwave popcorn for lunch. Truly, it hasn't even been a week yet. I started on Friday the 13th. Today is only Wednesday.

Yesterday I did three things to bring my finances into shape:
~I reviewed my bank statement online and hard-copy. I see that I paid overdraft fees. Too many (even one is too many).
~I wrote out in long-hand on several pieces of paper all the things I pay and all the money that comes in. It took several drafts to make sure I got everything. Even as I type this I remember two things that did not get included last night. I will be re-writing this income/outgo page again.
~I opened all the bills and statements that are waiting for a "good" payday and read them. I didn't put them in any order. I just read them and put them back.

The thing I did that puts another wrench in the works is that I called family for financial assistance and it's in the mail. I have no idea how I'm going to pay this back. I don't know what else to do, but here I've taken on another debt.

Today I've done three things toward changing this money karma.
~I emailed my debt reduction service asking where the additional $110 that was freed up from paying off creditors is going. I don't see any of this "snowball" money going toward any of the remaining accounts.
~I called the debt reduction service to update the dollar amount showing on my statements. They are kind of a defensive bunch there on the phone. I want to stay in touch with these people. They need to know I'm watching now.
~I've put some thought into what I am trying to acheive here. I want to achieve some peace of mind this year. I think it's an extremely do-able goal. I just don't know what I'm doing.

Before the money arrives from family, I need to write down where it's going to go. I need to consider where it's going to do the most good. I need a plan or it will - poof - be gone before I can be smart.

I need to allow Thing One to take care of some issues for herself to make sure the bail is returned. I paid the first round of clearing her ticket back in August and it didn't work. She needs to do some karma clearing for herself. (God, grant me strength to back off for her to do it, but the vision and voice to guide her, gently or not, to get it done.) What a mess.

PS: Phones are still turned off. It no longer bothers me.