In the Last Five Years

In the last five years I have had the opportunity to do some amazing things. I moved to Washington State 5 years ago this week and today is a great day to mark the anniversary of my arrival.

In the last 5 years I -

Ran a half-Marathon.

Went to Paradise (and had a snowball fight while I was there).

Wrote 2 novels - one 50,000+ words, the second 100,000+ words (edits are NOT complete yet).

Got a job.

Got a promotion.

Married off a daughter.

Launched another daughter.

Changed cell phone plans (harder than it sounds.)

Changed cell phone plans again (I got it down this time. I have no FEAR)

Dealt with and defeated the Wicked Witch of Stupid Office Politics and Power Mongering (and I got a better job out of defeating that witch...damn I'm good)

Furnished an apartment exactly as I wanted.

Bought a car for $100 - and I've been driving it for 2+ years now.

Sold my truck for good money while it was still a working vehicle.

I have visited my family every year that I have been here. Sometimes they come to me. And sometimes I go to them.

I was named Women's Division Leader at my "house of worship". That was cool.

Broke my ankle.

Took up skiing again (in that order).

I caught a HUGE salmon!

I pulled clams out of the sand.

I held a starfish and tiptoed through Sand Dollar beds.

I went to a parade of Naked Bicylists (three years in a row - I have photos to prove it).

Went to a professional baseball game.

Went to a professional Football game.

I've let Green Frogs sing me to sleep and wake me up in the morning.

I sang to Calliope music.

I rode a Ferry across the Sound.

I drove over the pass in late winter.

I'm going to keep thinking on this. Maybe add to the list. I've done a lot in the last five years. And in remembering all that has occurred lies a happiness that I cannot deny.

Life is good.

When will there ever be time for my collection?

I miss writing here. There was a time in my life when I felt there was never enough money. Somehow I just couldn't come up with the funds to do the things I thought I really wanted to do. Now I am finding money has no place in the equation. Now I am finding that I'm just not able to carve out the time to do all the things I think I really want to do. It's not that I make more or less money than before. It seems that the days fly by so much faster and I have collected far too many interests to be able to fully enjoy any of them. I love my collection of interests. I hoard them close to my heart and spend small moments each day saddened that I cannot spend any time with any particular one. These small moments of regret invariably occur as I am racing along to the next new and shiny interest. And the days fly by...

In Consideration of World Peace

I am not and never have been an entrant to any known or unknown beauty pagent. So it is not in my area of expertise to express my supreme wish that we achieve world peace. However, I am not going to let this stop me from expressing this wish.

Today's post comes about as I've been thinking about the joys of "guided meditation". I mean really, it is so cool to have someone speaking gently modulated into your ear. They say wonderful things such as, "Relax" and "Go high above yourself, leave yourself behind". Now I'm sure the last one can be a little unnerving if you have any kind separation anxieties. Regardless, I had a particularly inspiring guided meditation this month that I want to remember. It was a Sharing Your Personal World Peace Meditation (my title, not theirs).

Thing is, that is what the meditation was. It was a guided, imaginative, walk-through of what sharing world peace can feel like.

This is an Oprah and Chopra Meditation. I'm sure you can find it at

In any case - the meditation requests that as you relax with your eyes closed imagine a light eminating from yourself, a brilliant gleaming white light just pushing its clear radiancy from you. Then take this light, hold it in your hands. Know with the depths of your true self that this light, that you now hold in your hands, is world peace. Know that it is truly world peace. Now turn to the soul that is to your left and give to this soul next to you, give them world peace. And as you give them this light, this world peace feel them accept this gift from you. Feel their acceptance and joy in receiving your gift. Enjoy these feelings.

And then, still relaxed and in meditation, turn to your right and accept the brilliant beautiful gift that the soul next to you is giving you. Accept the world peace that is being gifted, given, handed to you. Feel the beauty of this gift. Send your own acceptance and joy in receiving this gift to the soul on your right that has gifted you.

I noticed that as I was in meditation I found myself 'looking up' at the throng of individual souls - as far as I could 'see' - passing glimmering, sparkling beneficient white light among themselves. It was astounding that so many souls were sending out and accepting in this stunning display of world peace.

I love guided meditation. Maybe that is why I like books so much.

The Challenge Winds Down

The Miraculous Relationships Mediation Challenge is winding down. Tomorrow is the last day. I'll be sorry to hear it end. I may not have blogged about each day, as I had intended. But I certainly participated. It was a nice challenge. I love meditations, prayers, quiet/stillness each day. It still has the feel of luxury. I imagine tomorrow's guided meditation will tell each of us what a great job we've done, how miraculous it is to have taken these steps to better our lives, yadd, yadda, yadda. And yes to all that, and thank you. the guided mediation will also touch on keeping up this new habit, now that we've been at it for 21 days. Let's see, what else...if it were smart it would tell us to review the journal entries that we each wrote describing what we wanted from this challenge. From here I remember wanting to feel the freedom and the motivation to write. To me that IS a relationship, an healthy one. I may have to meditate on this yet some more. hahaha

Let your light shine in - day 9

I've made it to day 9 of the great meditation challenge. Today's word of the day was to let your light shine on. It was a nice meditation. I wasn't able to get to the guided meditation until after work. I tell you it all loses a bit of punch when the day is practically done. The meditating itself is getting difficult to get around to. Interesting how I can't seem to find fifteen minutes in the morning to sit quiet. Well, I can but only in spurts. Twenty-one days in a row is proving more difficult than I would have thought. And I like meditating and prayer in general. So, yes I meditated. And yes, I feel the internal light pulsing away just fine. But, I really liked when the meditations struck a chord and then stuck with me all day. It's like carrying fireflies around inside me all day. Hoping tomorrow contains fireflies.

Day 7 meditation challenge update

I have to admit that meditating each day is good for my soul. It's been a week now and the meditations are actually more fulfilling. These are meditations on relationships, even if here in the beginning they are meditations for self. I have seen an easiness in all my transactions with people become the new normal. I feel more genuine. Not that I ever felt disingenuous. My interactions just feel more genuine. Today's meditations explored the ultimate eternity of my soul, of every one's soul for that matter. Even though these thoughts fit no where in my day, as an undercurrent it was nice. It lightened the entire day. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. There are miracles in the pipeline of my life right now. It's a great feeling. It may be a miracle with myself. It may be a miracle with those around me. Paulo Coelho wrote, and I'm paraphrasing, "give us this day our daily miracle, whether we can see it or not." He goes on to write, Let us speak the language of angels among ourselves.". Notes to self: I must buy his book, Manuscript from Accra.

Day 6 - Meditations update - Reminders are good

Today has been an eye opener.  I mistakenly deleted the usual Mediation e-mails that I receive each day.  this lead me to sign in to the website to retrieve the information.  I find I am looking forward to these e-mails.  Hey, hey...on the webiste there is a  bunch of great information.  There is a soundtrack of guided meditation that lasts the entire 15 minutes.  There is a journal area as well.  Today I used the journal and it was such a confirmition of how I feel.  I can only reinterate that things happen for a reason.  It was a great time to find out all the tools available for signing in to a website.

The meditations themselves are still focusing on self and on self-esteem.  The focus is still on the self and feeling well enough to put this good feeling out there to the ones that matter in our lives.  Today I was struck by rememberences of things I have let slide for myself.  I feel I'm getting my mojo back.  I didn't know I had lost it.  I still have dreams to make come true.  I still put those things on the back burner.  I still feel amazingly well when I bring these goals back up to the forefront.  I can tell here that I love reminders.  These last 6 days of mediation have been a great reminder.

Miraculous Challenge Day 5

I think we are at Day 5 of the wonderous Miraculous Relationships Meditation Challenge.  I get e-mails each day that let me know how far along we are.  As I suspected it is difficult to take any block amount of time to meditate, but I do find myself ruminating and contemplating the day's focus several times throughout the day.

Day 4 was actually pretty interesting and amazed me again how true it is that our thoughts become things.  Day 4 the focus was on the usual loving oneself (how can one have caring, loving relationships if one is not caring and loving to oneself?  The answer is - one can't.).  To be fair the focus phrase read, " As I love and honor myself, my relationships blossom."  Well, duh.  I hope you can all see how seriously I am taking all this mumbo-jumbo.  For me it is all so incredibly basic and pitiful that we are still trying to talk ourselves into loving ourselves, and being kind and gentle and keeping the spirit within us always, yadda, yadda, yadda.  AND YET - and yet, I was sitting on the bus thinking my guided thoughts about honoring myself and how this will strengthen my relationships in general (Yes, I tend to stray from every guided path) and pretty much just smiling through it.  The bus reached downtown and I opened my eyes to enjoy the city, as I do every day that I ride the bus.  As I checked my phone for e-mails and texts I found myself, as if I do this every day (because I most certainly do not) sending texts to my son and my daughter and my other daughter just wishing them a good day.  Just sending hugs and signing, Mommy. 

But, it didn't stop there.  As if hypnotized I pulled up my son's girlfriend's number and I wished her a magnificent day and just to let her know I was thinking about her.  And it kept going.  I texted my sister in law, who I haven't spoken to in months, positively months - only because I am a generally thoughtless individual, and I wished her a positively wonderous day.  All the exchanges took the entire ride through downtown to my destination.  Each one felt great, and random and spontaneous.  So me, the one who thinks so very little of guided meditations (but still loves 'em) and feel good phrases - well, this one felt good.

And darn good timing too.  Football pre-season game was last night and my sister in law was at the game.  I got the inside track. 

I Shoulda Put Money On It

I knew it.  I absolutely knew it.  Any grand ideation for wonderful relationships has to start with oneself.  So Yep, here we are at day 2 of the 21 day Meditation Challenge and the focus today is (drum roll)..."Miraculous You". 

Now I'm not going to argue with the wonders of treating yourself well, being kind to yourself, giving yourself permission to be happy.  These are truly wonderful things.  In fact I have no qualms with today's meditation focus at all.  The more I breathe and relax into now the quieter my internal head gets and it is just easier to smile - for no good reason.

But I shoulda put money on it that the "Miraculous relationship" expounded would be the relationship with you.

Miraculous Journey

Today is to start a 21 Day Meditation Challenge.  I don't find it particularly challenging to meditate.  It comes pretty naturally.  The theme of this grand 21 Day Meditation is "Miraculous Relationships".

I've been MIA as a blogger now for at least a year and a half.  And I can confidently state it is because of miraculous relationships that I have been missing from the blogosphere.  When there is life to be experienced, there is very little time to sit and write about it.  Besides, the server on these work computers is so old most of the Blogger features do not work any longer and it makes for a rather messy posting.

Nonetheless, I've been fishing and making sausage, pickling cucumbers and crabbing.  I've been meeting a vast plethora of people and attending graduation parties and visitng casinos.  I've been out for dinner and in for football games.  I've attended baseball games and dug for oysters.  I'm riding motorcycles and towing boats. 

It's all been pretty miraculous considering that I spent my last 8 years blogging and writing and staring out windows of various apartments and back doors.  It's as if life has invited me to join it.  I have no time to write.  I barely have time to DO all the things that have been offered up for me in this life. This is my miracle.

A 21 Day Meditation Journey/Challenge may actually be a challenge.   As far as relationships go, I know I would like to foster the relationships I have already in place; my friends in the mountains (that is a vehicular challenge), my family in New York, the people that have gathered for my daughter's wedding, etc.  Relationships are never perfect, that's why we work at them.  And this is certainly one of those times that the words "work" and "play" may be interchanged at will.

Today's assignment for the challenge is to "Set one intention for your journey toward miraculous relationships."  I am considering spending the meditation time today exploring what that intention will be.  The posibility exists that my intention is simply to continue, to extend the miraculous relationships I already have.  To continue to watch the roots of friendships grow.  I'll be considering this.

Thousands of Miles

I stood this evening with a pair of binoculars staring at the moon. These were very nice binoculars. Each eye piece focuses independently. When I had taken my time to focus the binoculars as well as I could I stood in the doorway with the binoculars to my eyes staring at the moon. The moon craters and some topography seemed fairly apparent. How can this be? The moon is thousands of miles away...thousands. How far can one really see? And why are we unable to see further? There is something out there that can see farther than I can. The binoculars prove that our eyes are not working as well as eyes somewhere else. Who has eyes that strong, and more? It seems we should be able to see this far, see this well on our own - without binoculars, or contact lenses. But then, why can't we see the nose on our face?

On the Eve of a New Year

For the last many years I have spent a month or more speculating, planning, forecasting for the coming year.  I didn't this year.  The year came up on me with no plans, no goals, nothing of note other than every day to just do the best I can, because, I suppose, like sheets of paper it all stacks up.  I don't feel bad about not planning.  It's actually a relief that I don't feel bad about it.  I took the week off of work this week.  I spot cleaned the carpets, washed windows and washed kitchen counter tops all the way to the corners, stocked the pantry shelves, washed sheets, swept patios and generally gave my home a serious house blessing to bring in the new year.  It will come in fresh.  For myself, I had my teeth polished by the dentist, got a facial, manicure and a pedicure (not by the dentist)...so I suppose I will come in fresh too.  I have no plans, no goals to share.  My only plan is to do the best I can each and every day.  And if a ream of paper is 500 sheets, this ream of days coming will be 365.  I wonder how tall that stacks?

Two and a half weeks ago I bought a hundred dollar car.  At the time I texted the seller and his buddy and asked, "Does it leak oil, or does it burn oil?"  I did not get a response at the time.  I now find that it leaks oil.    Like a sieve.  I filled the tank with gas; topped it off.  I have put two quarts of oil in the car since then and still have a half a tank of gas.  It's a lovely car. I thoroughly appreciate not walking in the cold, or the rain, or the dark (and especially all three) to get to the bus stop.  A car is a delight.  I'll be picking up a case of oil here soon enough to keep this beautiful heated, covered, wheel turning hunk of steel moving.  I love the car.  It even has a trunk for groceries.

I wonder what it means to "be the best I can" each and every day.  I suppose for me it means to be present.  It means to be compassionate and to be strong of intention for all things to go as well as possible for all concerned.  I hope it means to go to bed each night knowing that for me, I did what I could; and that is all that is necessary.

I am concerned about some people in my life.  I need to let them live their own life, their own way...but oh I so want to intervene, to kick start and do some new year's cleaning there too.   I know there are those around me that would like to kick start me.  I thank them for letting me live this crazy mess all as my own.  Thank you.  But hey, it doesn't stop me from being Mom or friend.

To tell the truth, (shhh, don't let on that you know)  I'm a little scared of this year.  I put myself in a spot that I have wanted to be in, and now I'm feeling the roller-coaster effect with the car climbing that initial lift hill to the first peak.  Truly the view is splendid, even if I can see the dips and loops that will be ahead.  I don't want to grip the handlebar too tight for that first plummet down on this ride.  I want to relax and enjoy the thrill.  It's a great time to be alive.  There's no telling how long this ride will be.  Maybe that's the scary part.

I wish you all, most sincerely, the best of everything.  May this year be fulfilling, may there always be enough (and more).

Verb or noun?

Back to a topic I have some control over...I hope.

Budget. Verb or noun? The obsolete definition, noun derivitive, for 'budget' is small pouch or bag. I can attest that this definition is not as obsolete as the dictionary contends. My budget is not a large pouch, nor a massive container (an antique sugar bowl holds my spare change and it never gets full...it never goes empty either for that matter.). My budget is a small, emotional pouch.

I had to look up the word budget. I had to look it up to see if the connotations I give it are actually written into the definition. They are not. I mentally fight this word budget, as if the word itself is the problem. And maybe it is. Maybe I have given so much power to this word that simply means a little pouch (and makes me smile when 'codpiece' comes to mind...and then that makes it all better. And somehow just now a budget and a man's lively bits became synchronized). And I realize I should have no problems budgeting. And I don't, as long as I keep an eye on things. (Funny, I don't have problems with those lively bits when I keep an eye on them either.)

How did I get so far off the mark today? The above was NOT on my topic list. (hands go up in the air) Never mind...new topic tomorrow.

One never knows...

Sometimes I need to let things go.

I have come to the conclusion that I am such a whiner when left to my own devices.

The money came

I think what bothers me most is that I'm not a kid. I'm no longer in my twenties. Somewhere near the end of my twenties I figured a person ought to have the financial wherewithall to move ahead without assistance.

The money arrived. The phones are back on. The car is getting new parts as I type this. I've enough for an emergency fund. Now, paying this back is important to me.

(An aside here - my son got the sous chef position, regardless of the phones. My daughter picked up another shift at work, regardless of the phones. And my other daughter heard greatt news from Afghanistan without the phones. Facebook, e-mail and face to face work wonders...)

There are a ton of extremely unhelpful budgeting sites on the internet. What a mash-up of misguided muck. There's the big names like Suze Orman and Ramsey: out for a buck. The Ramsey's approach makes more sense - but a rather difficult site. One of my friends at work suggested Mint.com. That's what I've been putzing on here at work between phone calls and projects. I've been setting up my financial tracking on-line. I understand they have a touch screen version for my iPad. When I get home tonight I will download that app (please may they offer it free) and get some of the particulars put in it right. I like the way Mint.com is set up. It appears to allow me to tweak individual categories and tags and stuff so that all this makes sense to me. I don't care if it makes sense to anyone else. I don't appreciate that loans off the grid, such as the one I have, are not enterable into this program. Everything at Mint.com is "attached" to a retail account, attached to a "real bank". I will need to find a way to account for a loan from a private lender. With all the bells and whistles of Mint.com I can see how a program like this can keep me interested enough to track my expenses and maybe even reach some goals.

It's been a nice diversion, that may not be a diversion after all.

House of Sunshine

Life has overtaken me. There's nothing to report, but I'll write anyway.

Bus rides have been interesting. Seattle Sound Transit or Community Transit or one of those has purchased a small fleet of double decker buses. They look kind of scary to me. I don't like that they are so tall and imposing. I find myself wondering if they will tip over in high winds or if everyone sits on one side on the top deck. I ended up riding one this last week. Great windows. Very quiet upstairs too. They still make me nervous. Double decker buses and the back end of the articulted buses make me nervous.

Monday someone let spill a can of beer on the bus. That was intresting. Of course, no open containers are allowed on the bus in the first place, covered coffee excepted (this is Seattle). The bus reeked of beer. The small rivers of brew flowed along the floor to a woman's grocery sacks. I called out for her to pick them up before the beer got that far. The fella behind me got off the bus in a hurry at the next stop. When I left the bus several stops later I saw the seat was wet as well.

I dunno...the neighbor just finished mowing the yard here at my little palace. I've been looking for a new home. Something that might have a little light. My apartment faces north and I get no direct sun at any time of year here. Rent is heading back up in the burg so no telling what I can really afford. Now that I own this job I actually make less take home pay than I did as a contractor. The kids have been upping my phone bill, and my electric bill, and my car insurance and well, I'm not sure I can really afford where I'm at right now even. I used to stress over this stuff. It would really pull me down into the dumps. On a lark, I applied for part-time work at a retail shop nearby. It'd be a good stop-gap for a bit. I just don't want to get suckered in to holding two jobs for more than a four months or so. Seasonal is how I think on it today. We'll see if they call. Next year I can change some deductions and in two and a half years or so all my debts will be paid in full. That's kind of exciting for me. Money is a very fluid comodity. Sometimes the pool is full, sometimes it aint. I'm glad I have the things I have. I'm glad I've done the things I've done. It's all good. That house with sunshine isn't that far away.

Infinite Possibilities

Under the city of Seattle is the tunnel built for public transportation. It is dry here when it is raining up above. That is how I found the tunnel, looking for a dry place to wait for the bus. This week the tunnel became a little of a metaphor. Or at least it added to an idea that has taken the forefront of my brain space lately.

"There are infinite paths to happiness. Don't sweat it."

Me ~ 2011

There are six different buses all going downtown at ten minute intervals each - every weekday morning. Of those, I chose one, the one that is right in front of me. There is no need to wait for the next bus, even on principle, it is the same as this bus. I have umpteen connections I can make once I reach downtown. I can take a bus, or the light rail. I can walk a block or two to make a quicker connection, or to not make a quicker connection (sometimes its cool to just hang around). In the end, there are three different bus routes that swing past my workplace. After all the options, and routes, timetables and cityscapes, it is one of three buses that will deliver me to the door of where I work. Most weeks I cannot catch the same driver twice. Traffic changes everyday. Timetables are guidelines only. It is an infinite mix of possibilities.

And so it is with life.