Getting time to travel again...

This coming week I'll be boarding AmTrak for a cross county ride to NY state. My son graduates on Friday from Culinary Institute and the train stops within 15 minutes of Hyde park. The last time I road the train was from San Diego to Los Angeles and back. There's a pretty ride, all along the coast. That's was back in 1989. This ride will take me through Illinios, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and New York. My camera is on the charger already.

In March it's time to head over to Seattle. If the Space Needle is open I'll ride to the top. I have friends in Seattle and North Bend, so a little city and a little mountains. I think I've missed living on the west coast. Maybe it's just reminiscing. We'll find out soon enough.

Kind of a cross country year. I do like to travel.

Bait & Switch

It was good interview practise. It was an exercise in composure. It was also a total bust. The position I had gone to the service for is "no longer available. But we'll keep your information on record should another similar position come up." *%ckers. And there's a couple comments that keep replaying, such as, "Give us a call when you are available." as in wait for the ax to fall. I know, I just know, it was the wrong place. But that line, the "let's be reactive, not proactive" that really pushed it home for me.

I'm actually not particularly upset. I didn't expect this to be the "one". I did expect encouragement. I did expect a connection. Ends up they just don't have many postings after all. I find myself wondering if I was a fish, they are fishing (not phishing). I'm happily back to the job boards. And I've gotten some leads from friends and family in the last two days. The one I'm perfect for just doesn't know me yet. But I've put the energy out there, and the gas money, and all good things come to those prepared.

(singing) I've got an interview, I've got an interview...

I got a call. I have an appointment. Ooh, ooh, ooh. It's been a good day. It's time to walk away from the computer and the phone and collect myself.

Relax, breathe, relax...go vacuum or something (oh yuck, reality).

Definition

I don't change jobs often. The job search this time feels different than ever before. But it's been a few years. As I'm reading job postings I find myself reading if I "fit", if it would be a definition I can live. Maybe that's where the headaches come.

For the position I have now the posting was written rather euphamistically. Nowhere did it say, "high stress" or "impossible hours". I'm reading postings differently this time. I like a challenge, but hey. I feel myself changing how I view my worklife desires.

It's getting harder mentally to even go into work. I'm afraid the next round of layoffs is coming so I don't want to go in. And yet, I am wishing the next round of layoffs would just get here so I can move on unencumbered. I called in sick on Tuesday, went in and then turned around and came home today. I'm just calling in tomorrow. It's not a real cold. I'm just light-headed and my stomache is doing loop to loops. Just nerves. I recognize this.

I've got names and phone numbers to call tomorrow; see if I can get an appointment with one of the services here in the next week.

Hope. I'm looking for hope. And a definition I can live with.

Exercise

I've gotten to the point of instead of "what if" it's become "why not". The "what if" is merely a question of when. I'm referring to the job front. This morning I was on the computer scanning two job sites for positions in two very different locations. I found two worth applying for. I started at 7:30 this morning. Between the two sites, and then two different locations I finally signed off just after noon. Online applications are an interesting exercise. An exercise in sending thoughts out into the aether. I can believe I am accomplishing something if I want to. When the reality of where these applications end up is truly an unknown. I did get the position I have now from an online application. I can't discount the possibility that all the gateways and "send now" buttons actually work. There is just so much anonymity involved that being able to actually contact a human being is yet another time consuming exercise. Government jobs are the most time consuming. They are also the ones I have a hard time believing will actually be reviewed. I'm throwing it out there. One never knows, until later.

I had a headache after this morning's computer exercise. I did get out for a walk. It took fifteen minutes just to get bundled up to head out the door. I now understand permafrost. I live in it. I was tired of the cold the minute it showed up this season. I've been avoiding it. Last year kicked my butt with the blizzards and the blistering cold. Prior to that I was out jogging and walking in this stuff like any regular lunatic. The walk today did me good. Mind you fresh air wasn't available behind the wool scarf wrapped twice around my face. The sun was so bright reflecting off the snow that I'm sure I did much of the walk with my eyes closed. The tops of my cheeks still sting from where the scarf wouldn't stay up. But my body works. My legs felt great, and my back wanted me to stand up straight rather than hunch over through this chill. I love the sound of crunching snow. Great sound.

When I got home and started shedding the layers it was just a natural extension to crawl into bed. I fell asleep with the sun streaming in the window over me. Four and a half hours later I was thinking I should maybe get up and go to the grocery store when Mom called to say she's bringing dinner to cook up. Chicken pesto pizza. She can come over anytime. I'll pick up groceries tomorrow after work, maybe.

All in all it's a no name day, but I would do it again.

I'll be looking for this in August

Good things come to those prepared

So I'm preparing. Finally. Every phone call in the last few weeks has been affirming and reaffirming my own beliefs that I get off my little round behind and get some things done. My resume looks better every week. But I'm the only one reading it. The few places I have sent it out to seem more like an exercise than a real opportunity. There is corporate headquarters to a regional retail firm within walking distance of my apartment. They have openings that look promising. They will be getting my resume, and a phone call, and some known people for references. Ends up I do know people after all. So, there's one thing I learned this weekend. Add this submission to my to-do list.

This evening after two hours on the phone with my brother I started cleaning out my closet. He was saying the exact same thing my BFF in Seattle is saying (for the last two months). Basically, wondering why I'm sitting on my ass when I really want to be moving on. I cleaned out one side of my closet this evening. Either it's down in the dumpster for pick up, or it's in boxes marked "Goodwill". Clothes are easy. All the stuff I have squirreled away for projects is a little tougher. I've always got my fingers into something, quilting, weaving rugs, photos into albums, gardening, books and books and books. I'm rather proud to have two boxes of material or sewing gadget stuff thingys ready to go to the second hand store as well. Why have I been holding onto these LP's from my parents days? Even my mom doesn't want them. They are stacked on the give away boxes too.

I do find it a bit amazing that as I am dragging things out to get rid of a tidal wave of stuff has been unleashed in my room. I can't seem to find the plug to stop this overflow. It has reached the dining room. I had to stop. I'm bushed. Throwing things out is more stressful than I'd like to admit. I've made a path to my bed, the bathroom and my closet. Good 'nuf. Let it go, let it go...

What'dya Mean?

Lately, I've been told my choice of words is cause for concern. Either I have been using a highly provocative set of words, or I am just unaware of the powerful connotations that some people attach to them. I'm going to go with the latter. The word in question was "shameful", as in, isn't it shameful to spend my working hours e-mailing friends. The word "shame" became the basis of at least three more entries.

In the same vein I was discussing how "effing" and sh*t" are used to downgrade the harsher tones of actually using the word that is referred to. Later that night I noticed the stand up comics - ok I was watching Comedy Central - use extremely "harsh' words and often. It was funny. Hilarious even. But, if I were to have read those same stories on screen or on paper I would have been a little dismayed or put off at the story itself, and or the language being used to convey the story. They were terrible, horrid stories that had me in rolling in stitches; absolutely laughing out loud - mostly because the stories are true.

The shameful thing about all this is that what I feel is ok, someone else feels is over the top. My dad's wife says I'm gregarious. I abhor that word. I mean to be that strong. She thinks it's a compliment. I don't. One's choice of words is so very often a shot in the dark. I had no idea I was packin' that kind of heat.

Mad Men Marathon

Mad Men Season 1 on DVD - We'll see you in 13 hours or so. Ooooh, I love snow days!!!

Yesterday was -12, today is a more "seasonal" day at -5. Be careful though, tomorrow is a downright heatwave; we are looking forward to 23 whole degrees above zero! Whoohoo! I'll be wearing sock with my flip-flops - oh yeah.

Finding the right word

I wonder at the incredible volumes of written word that are produced by any author, and especially the "masters", before one finds the words each is looking for.

Lazy Sunday morning

The new strings are on the guitar. It's all polished up and the woodwork is warm to gaze upon. I've put the wire cutters back in the toolbox and the dusting spray back in the cupboard. I'll have to cut my fingernails to get any kind of clear tone. Damn, I like my nails this length. Oh, such sacrifices...(wry smile)

I'd like to thank my newest friend, Fred, for reminding me of things I've enjoyed in my life. Every day should contain some joy. I'm resubmitting music into this category. It's been made available again. Excellent gift.

Gifts

Last time I was over at my husband's house I noticed of all the guitars in the main rooms two of them are mine. When I moved out many many years ago he was getting disoriented by the third week as I was still stopping over to get stuff out of his way (understandable). He said, "no more" and I left everything else there, including my guitars. Over the holidays this year I was doing laundry at his place - his b'day gift to me, use his washer and dryer - I was playing guitar to pass the time. So when he got home and picked up another guitar to join me it was just like our good days in that other lifetime. When the dryer was done and I got back upstairs with my baskets he had packed up my Ovation in a case and had it by the back door. He handed me a new pack of strings and one of the guitar stands and told me to stay out of trouble. (I had to carry my laundry baskets and my gifts to the car myself - no different than when we were married)

I hate tuning a guitar. When I'm rich and famous I'm gonna have someone show up just for tuning.

January '09

I am well aware that I live in Wisconsin. I understand that it snows in Wisconsin, that is gets cold, that this phenomenon last for several months. Oh, it IS January. This is traditionally a month of snow storms and intense cold. Somewhere along the line I learned all these things. I had accepted these imperical truths before I moved here many, many years ago in a September.

It's time to move.

Jodi! I love you!

I laughed till I cried....

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=fIMNZOU46Uc

"don't cry, Wordpress isn't that bad."

Quote of the day...

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

Unoriginal, but funny...
:)

I'm at a loss

Huh.

Work is almost non-existent. I truly have no idea how many days I have left. It could come back quickly or not at all. I've never been in an industry with such an amazing pendulum swing. This not knowing has brought me to a stand still. I'm holding my breath and standing still. Any changes in the projects at work are not up to me. There is nothing I can do to change what happens next. Other than pray that it changes. I've been doing the confidence act. I've been working some underground job mining just to be proactive on this situation.

It seems strange that I am not "scared". A calmness has descended. That worries me. Though I don't know why.

It could all change by Monday. Or not. It's not up to me.

Huh.

Hide & Seek

I want to thank all my JS fav's for keeping the same pictures , more or less; and the same names, more or less. I'm feeling more at home every moment. Time to take a break from adding those I wish to keep up with and get work done. I'll have to remember where I left off to add more to follow later. (argh)

(big sigh, nonetheless)

The Reluctant Blogger

I'm a transplant from JS. I'm looking for my friends from there. While I enjoyed JS, when it folded it's taken the wind out of my sails for blogging or journaling or posting or whatever.

Writer's block? Maybe. We'll see.

In the meantime...here I am. I've set up camp. Time to get the fire started, and see what's in the backpack for viddles.