That First Week

I've just finished the first week at my new old job. It's actually been a bit of a strange week. The days go by as they always do, nothing has changed. The requirements of my position are as they always are, nothing has changed. The people, the hallways, the everything is as it always is, nothing has changed. And yet...

I've been near tears more than I would have ever thought. Almost every day. I don't know what the deal is. These aren't tears of joy, nor are they tears of frustration. These aren't anything I can really name. I've come home at the end of the day and merely crawled into bed. No dinner, no book reading, no nothing. Crawl into bed, turn out the lights and roll over and sleep. It's more as if I have come to the end of a really really intense movie, or I've finished a book that had grabbed my life and imagination. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what hit me. It's been the softest and longest hit I've yet experienced. Part of me wants to sleep until this blows over and I can get back to feeling just fine - like I usually do. Part of me wants to whoop from the rooftops and then cry my relief.

I have a new employee ID badge - a real employee ID badge - the one with the blue stripe and all. I've never been proud of an employee badge (I don't need no stinking badge). I'm actually proud of this one. Now there's a twist of attitude for you. Making one wait really does make the thing one is waiting for that much more. I'm drained.